I opened the door in a robotic manner, and walked in balancing a stack of boxes, magazines and bills. In a routine I knew so well, I dropped the packages at the entry of the kitchen, stepped over opened boxes from earlier this week and piled the unread magazines on a neglected pile that was two months old. I turned to open the fridge to grab a glass of water while placing the bills in the hidden nest I had created on top of the fridge. Frustrated, I walked into the living room sitting on the couch next to yesterdays coat, competing with the space that would either be occupied by my tired soul or todays cardigan.
Welcome to my home.
More recently, I have been dealing with chronic stress. My friends notice it, my psychologist pokes at it and my dermatologist reminds me of it. I have tried every single thing. Meditation, long walks and even sleeping a little more than the four hours I force into my daily routine. During my last session, my therapist asked me to write down all the triggers of stress. It sounded like a simple task until I realized that ALOT of things stressed me. BUT...the point of realization came this weekend after a shoot.
I walked in on a high, I had just had a successful shoot with Ethan and I couldn't get home to make up for the little sleep I had over the last week. I stepped into my almost all white room, and my eyes started to do a little dance. They glided gently over my perfectly white bedding, spreading a welcome sense of calm. But they quickly darted to the window that had a neat pile of books, then to the ground that had a perfectly stacked collection of boxes, then to the corner that had this weeks laundry, then they crept up my wall to the collage of photos that hung flawlessly. I immediately started to feel nervous, and my stress cues began. See, unlike others, the first sign of stress for me is hunger, the immediate kind that leads to frustration and irritability. To help calm myself down I decided to go to the bathroom and splash water on my face. As I walked into my bathroom, I calmed down again, in a swift manner. See my bathroom is always clear, nothing on the counters and everything is neatly tucked away. That was when I knew.
I immediately sent my therapist a text. It read " I have too much stuff neatly organized everywhere". She immediately replied, "go through everything and ask yourself why you are holding onto them". This took such a long time to do. But the results were eye opening.
Everything I once owned, I still owned. I owned things that I made plans for. I owned things from memories that I should have let go. The truth is that the things I owned physically were weighing on me emotionally. And so the journey begins...
With the help of a professional, I will begin the journey towards a minimalist life. This means getting rid of EVERYTHING I am holding onto, and living with what I actually need.
This means getting rid of duplicates (like the 7 chopping boards I own), and the 12 white blazers that ALL hang in my closet. This means getting rid of the 92 magazines that I have never read, and the 14 towels that conveniently disappear when I actually need them.
The benefits are actually meant to include a healthier lifestyle, financial stability and mental cleanliness. I will begin the journey room by room....and in the next two weeks you will see the biggest closet sale ever. The best part is that some of the stuff will actually be free (just pay shipping and handling). - Unfortunately I am unable to take international orders at this time. :(
I cannot wait to take you along on this length of the journey! I am spending this week researching everything there is to know about minimalist living. So if you have any recos, or stuff that might be helpful...shoot me an email :-)
Body Positive fashion and lifestyle blogger.